As you will have noticed the British Tommy is a very well behaved human being (Ha Ha !!!!)
Because of the unhygienic conditions in Egypt dysentery was a constant source of infection and when you had it your motions flowed out of you like water and as we all slept in the nude (because it was so hot)it was nothing to see a soldier running across the sand bollock naked heading for the toilet with this stream of watery turds pouring out of his arse.
Everyone used to sing out loud when they were sitting on the toilet, now this might sound silly but the reason was this, when anyone had dysentery and they rushed over to the toilet they would throw themselves on the nearest seat now if you were sitting on that seat you can imagine the mess you would end up with so you sang as loud as you could to avoid anyone sitting on you and let them know the seat wasn't vacant
Because of the conflict with the Egyptians all vehicles had to have an armed escort every time they went out of the camp and all the towns and villages were out of bounds so you stayed in camp all of the time, all you could do after hours was to go to the NAAFI for a beer and a singsong or the Salvation Army hut for a read and a cup of tea and with no women around at all I can see now where that phrase “Your all a bunch of wankers" comes from because that's what we were But the Army had a bit of compassion, as we could not take any leave in Egypt every nine months they flew us to Cyprus to the Famagusta Holiday camp for three weeks leave (I think this holiday camp was owned by the army)the plane was an old Dakota an old World War two twin engine plane that shook and rattled but got us there and back to Egypt.
I have no need to explain to you what we did in those three weeks but just to say that there is no such thing as an ugly woman1 (especially when you are drunk) some are just better looking than others but we also did act respectably some of the time and hired a car and toured all around the Island and saw most of the well known places and drank many, many bottles of wine with the villagers.
I thought that I had a poor upbringing but it was in Egypt that I learnt the meaning of poverty.
We used to have the Egyptians come around the camp clearing up the rubbish and taking the swill from the cookhouse (all the left over food and what had been thrown away by the soldiers)and as they tipped the dustbins into the truck they would scrabble through the swill picking out half eaten sausages, chop bones and bits of meat and then either eat it or put it in a bag to take home now some of this swill had been out in the hot sun for hours1 sometimes days and full of maggots yet they still ate it.
We sometimes had to go to Tel-EI Kebir for spares and we used to take it in turns to go so as to relieve the boredom of the camp and the road ran alongside the Sweet Water Canal for some of the trip, now this is supposed to be the clean water canal but it was putrid as the Egyptians used to wash their clothes in it and even some of the sewerage ran into it and we were forbidden to swim or wade in it.
My job at Shandur was a very diverse one as besides inspecting the road vehicles I also inspected and drove bren gun carriers, half tracks and small tanks, we had a large testing area within the camp so I had a lot of fun. But everyone had to do their share of guard duty at night and this involved patrolling the perimeter barbed wire fence on your own for two hour shifts with four hours rest, we were issued with ten live rounds of ammunition. As the perimeter fence went around the outside of all the tents and workshops there was no shelter whatsoever so on a moonlight night you stood out like dog’s balls against the sand dunes, all alone with just your rifle and you had to be on the alert all of the time as the duty officer would be walking around checking on you.